Insane Mind Power: Communication Woes

I've always been told, at some point in time, that I was the sensationalized conversationalist. Okay maybe not sensationalized. Somewhat a conversationalist. Friends and random people I've met always liked the fact that I had a lot to say on just about anything. I'm no Mr-know-it-all like some people would love to think so. Just because I know a little more than you on certain topics doesn't make me one. How these people generated these ideals I've yet to fathom. Why do I even care? Communication was an integral part of me. Listening intently to someone and giving them my rather blunt and straightforward two cents was of primacy. I used to enjoy the moments when they cringed and squirmed every time a verbal volcano erupted from my mind. It somehow made me feel good. It was a rather chauvinistic feeling. Not that I am but it just felt as such. It usually worked wonders on people. Sometimes a hard slap on your cheek gives you a fucking wake up call. I used to wake up a lot of people. Not many were grateful but no one really cared about those people anyway. Even I didn't. Okay, I was bored and wanted to entertain myself at the expense of those pathetic souls. Those who were not ingrate would have left somewhat feeling rejuvenated. It helped them, I think. They knew who to converse with when they wanted something fresh and raw. It somehow made them dependent on me. Not that I liked the idea but at most times I was available to listen. So it was all good. That was back then.

Fast forward to the present state. Communication has become a bore and a chore. Lethargy has crept in and all I want to do is to tell you to shut the fuck up and go solve your own problems. I am, of course, entitled to show special preference to those I still want to communicate with. These people deserve me and vice versa. I always try to be myself with them even though they know that I talk less these days. Very often, I've told people not to bottle things up. Let it all out but there is only so much anyone can reveal. I guess I'm not doing what I've always preached. No, not double standards. Human nature, I'd call it. In some aspects, it's beneficial when you hide certain information, critical or otherwise. That aside, I've been told that I'm devoid of emotions. Just because I don't react to how I'm supposed to doesn't mean I'm some rock. I choose not to show my emotional side for my own reasons. There is always this saying that the wise man talks less and shows less. Hey, I'm no wise ass but when I've nothing to say or react to your feelings, don't take it out on me. I'm just as human as everyone else albeit a little eccentric.

I'm definitely tired of being nice to people these days. I've realized being the nice person is an utter waste of energy. They love it when they find room to climb over your head. Once they're there, stepping down becomes arduous. Why let them climb up there in the first place? I've quit being nice. I've quit being the conversationalist. I've quit trying to make you feel good. I've quit doing things which meant something.

I've quit. Enough said.