Insane Mind Power: For Everyone

Despite having the time and resources, I have no idea what to do and where to go from here. I have a knack for exaggerating things. Maybe I've a clue lying around somewhere but I'm just not realizing it. Maybe I've this lackadaisical attitude in me. Maybe I'm not looking at the right places. Where is the zest that has been burning in me all this while? What has come forth and stripped away of this enthusiasm? I know what caused it to travel miles away but I am unable to find the right way to walk all over it. Somehow it has been suffocating me beyond measurable words. The silence within me is overwhelming and it is affecting my social life.

Masturbation doesn't solve the conundrum. It affects social behaviour. I know. Look further than that. Do you see what I do not? Do you feel what I do not? You do or you don't? Are you pretending that I've ceased to exist? Do you feel immeasurable felicity that you've made it past the finish line but I'm still struggling in the race? What provided you the resoluteness to do what you're doing right at this moment? For a surety, I'm to be blamed. Blame everything on someone and walk off. Escapism at its extreme. My medication tastes putrid. Do not attempt to inject the venom any deeper into my jugular vein. I know what it is like. I knew. I know.

Amidst such confounding thoughts, I've this urge to help someone. But I've no idea how to help or who to approach. I'm referring to a person whom I'm well acquainted with. Somewhat a confidant. Hopefully this person gathers the strength and courage to do what they intend to. The person once told me that one has to feel everything that is going through and not evade the reality. I agreed then. I felt reality travelling through every cell in me then. But now, everything I feel is nothing more than an illusion. Which begs the question. Is reality defined as feeling something over what has happened? I beg to differ. After some time, perhaps a long time, reminiscence is all that is left behind. Something that we're to learn from.

Do we really learn from our mistakes or do we just say that to people so that they'd stop criticizing us or giving us advice? How is it that we tend to repeat the same if not similar mistake, more than once, and slap ourselves silly for doing so? Didn't we hold a promise to ourselves and to those whom we trust that we'd not commit the same mistake? So what happened? Either we never really realized our mistake or we never felt that it was a mistake at all to begin with. We just wanted the other party to shut up because they felt that what we did wasn't right. We love to orally please others. Admittedly, there are only a handful of people whom I trust and trust their judgement of things. They're right, at times. Just like me. Good to be around sensible people now and then. I'm considered fortunate that they love to listen to my nights of masturbation.

I didn't commit a mistake. That is what I feel right now. I just let a mistake happen. I mistook a mistake for the mistake. I guess I was mistaken. Nothing can be done about that now. Admonishing me for what had happened and criticizing my enlightenment for realizing that it wasn't a mistake is something that you really can't do anything about. Cuss and curse at me all you want. I stand by my decision. I made the right call. I fucked it up for a very good reason. I fucked it up so that I could see what was really there in front of me. A well put up dramatization of life. Kudos to you for having done that. Kudos to your ambition in life.

The day I see you again will be the end of your fortified pretence. Till then, the mirror is your only saviour.